This is how my day goes:
At approximately 11 last night something bad really happened.
Don't really want to talk about it or think about it. All i know was.. I literally wanted to end my life. Ehh, yeah. In several ways.
1. Take the butcher's knife cut my wrist and run out of the house. Leaving a trail of blood to follow.
2. Take the butcher's knife tie it to a string one just above my brother's neck and the other where it hurts. The string would be tied to the window where a magnifying glass would be held. During sunrise the light will penetrate through the glass heating the string which soon catches fire. (The heat travels through the string causing it to break the strong walls of the string. Thus, snaps. Hahaha! Crap!) String snaps, knife goes down. (And who ever said i couldn't explain science well, its whether i make it happen. Lol.)
3. Pack my bag and run away for the time being. Which i did. Who wants to see their faces after whatever's happened-.-

Everything went well. Except for the alarm thing. I think i cried so hard i forgot to set the alarm at 4. I feel bad cause he stayed up the whole night :\

Finally woke up by his sms, (THANK GOD!) then headed out of the house successfully. Waited at the usual. I was quite beat and dehydrated after weeee early this morning. But i bet he had worse. Sorry..
He cabbed down.

Then finally when everything SORT OF cools down i started smiling. But i still could feel the tension on my face. Its been like what? It feels like DAYS since i smile, care-freely.
Went down to have breakfast :D Hehe, thank you baby.

Headed for school. Nadine didn't come again-.- sighs.. Brought me water, so sweet. :p lol. Somehow, well my closer friends could tell something was wrong.. Real grateful for that i guess. Its nice having them really:)

My first period sucked. All the emotions surfaced again. Til' i couldn't really take it anymore and just broke down in front of saravannan. I think it creeped him out.. ALOT. Cause so far, being my most preyed victim on my high-ness the sudden opposite reaction seems.. i don't know.

Recess was warm though. Really.. Nice and warm. More like home to me then what my real home really is.
I don't know is like you can feel the concern lo. Its like jolyn with her advices, wailoong with his experiences, and andre.. With his really stupid yet funny ideas on how to kill everyone in my situation. HAHAHA.
The ONLY brilliant plan he came up with was that i keep a knife with me and whoever wants to find fault, I'll take the knife put it at my neck and say: one more step closer, I'll kill myself! Then must be very dramatic with the tears and all. Jolyn actually agreed to that idea lo!
I just feel like saravannan, cause he goes through this too.

Things have been rather complicated of late. I don't think I'm in the right to say.. I guess the time will come, but I'll be there.

Waited for baby after school. Had like.. Nata de coco and pancakes! :D had a chat with mdm chua:)

Andre was being damn funny in math class! He tried to hit those high voices that girls usuallly sing. HAHA.

Thank you baby for praying for me yeah :)
I felt good after school:) all the talk and help, thank you:) Hehe. You've no idea how much i love ya'll eh, (WaiLoong &Andre &Jolyn &Joel &Thambi &Nadine) honestly.

Had fun with baby today, :)
Its no point being sour about it but that doesn't mean my mind has erased it completely.
Took alot of retarded pictures!

Finally talked to my aunt. I did not shed a tear. Awesome!
But i learn alot of things eh.. ALOT.
Like my older brother-.- and my parents.

'Oh God, just don't let cheyenne lose faith in what she has seen..' that's my aunts prayer.

I definitely don't.
I'm glad i didn't do anything rash.

I hate feeling down constantly! Feeling sucks!

JESUS!
Thank you for everything. I'm already very fortunate.. I guess.
take me awayy,