If one day could change everything... What bout the future?

My stupidity has caused me to, disrupt the peace in the house again, lost my parents trust again, lost everything again.

I lost everything. Physically to mentally, materially to spirituality. Where am I?.. If only I had listened. I knew but I didn't act upon it. I thought one day of temporary enjoyment won't hurt. I thought God would understand but no. My one temporary day grew to a 10, and i thought i could have more.. Just a little bit more, I thought, it wouldn't hurt. Just one more day, and I would 'devote' my life to studying and being a nun. Just like how to devil is so tempting. These temptations would never stop, you would just want more of it. And I knew that. But by then it was already too late.

So my flesh got the best of me. Its not that I didn't know, it was because I wanted it. And I felt no peace. It was like God wasn't there anymore.. Or more like it be should I wasn't around him anymore. That was when i started losing bit by bit...

I lied because I felt telling the truth would only make things worse and it wouldn't really matter. How many truths I tried hard to tell before this huge lie. It didn't really matter.. Because I'm in the wrong.

And I knew it!

Sick! If I didn't know it and do it at least I still have hope. But I freakin knew it and yet I did it!

If only if only if only.. It doesn't make a difference now. I should have done my devotions. I really should. The devil knew exactly what I needed to not be tempted by such frivolous stuff, and took me away from it. My only weapon and shield against my flesh: the word.

But too late. I got into shit before I realised where I was landing.

I'm not ready.. I can't do this if I'm going to be like that. OH, it doesn't matter how many good speakers you hear. Is your relationship with God strong?

That's it MAN. Stupid devil, I'm doing devotions EVERYDAY! From tmr onwards :x take that sucker.