On this day of your life, Cheyenne, we believe God wants you to know...
... that it's OK.

Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK.

I never got over the subject.
Life have been pretty stagnent, everything, everywhere. And my thoughts are going back to the usual place to used to be.

I get a little off when anything related or something that could be related to it is brought up. My insides would start to curl, my mind would start to race. Race back..
And it is no point shutting it back, because no matter how much I shut the door, (hell) I gotta accept, it always comes back out with a bang.

This definitely made me who I am. What I am now, how paranoid I could be sometimes..
I would freakin' roll my eyes and soon I feel numb all over follwed by a burning desire deep inside to kill. Kill you. It really didn't matter whatever that has happened before. I was more of an audience to a slow motion film then an actress in it. Hah.. Funny how it sounds (shrugs). I needed to make you pay. Bawl your freakin eyes out till they are sore from crying. Ditch you for a month and forget every important thing you said, just avoid you.
I ponndered on these thoughts much, really. But I don't really have the guts or the heart realy to do it. So I play it all in my mind in the end. Again and again, everytime the subject is brought up.

But Jo shot me this sentence that made me think a whole new lot.
"Why can't you just thank God for what happened, rather then grumble all the time"
It really made me think. Rethink the whole situation. Why can't I? Why can't I?? People make mistakes time and again.. No one is perfect. But then again.. It wasn't me. I showered in self pity (i freakin' admit) I always thought why am I the one who is always hurting? Godd... The world only revolved around me then. Not really, I just felt it wasn't fair.. I was experiencing more hurt then the other. I always ended up with the solution: A taste of your own medicine.

I started to calm down for once... Clear my head a little. And after that.. It didn't really matter.
And I felt better. Like the remainding hot air all released..

Love you.